Top 5 Absurd Ideas for New Rifle Cartridges

This is going to be pretty geeky and probably way over the heads of anyone who isn't a rifle crank and cartridge geek. Please note that this is satire and none of these cartridges actually exist and in no way represent real efforts by any of the companies referenced. I have to say this or else I will be getting emails asking for suppliers for the next 5 years.


1. For those who like the .270 Winchester but want to use heavier bullets that hit a little harder, I give you the .30 O'Conner. The parent case is the .270 Winchester necked up for a .30 caliber bullet. For all of you reloaders out there, you can easily reshape brass from either the .270 or the .35 Whelan.

2. One of the better lever gun cartridges developed in the last decade is surely the .308 Marlin Express. Certainly such commendable ballistic qualities would also be desirable in a bolt action or semi-automatic hunting rifle. Hence the .308 Marlin Rimless. This cartridge will be based on the .308 ME, only with the rim removed for smoother feeding in non-lever actions, and the case slightly elongated.

3. The .375 Ruger has been one of the most interesting and useful new cases to be introduced in years. Offering elephant-worthy power in a .30-'06 length action, it has already been successfully necked down to .30 and .338 calibers. But what about the varminting market? Must they be ignored? Not any more. Meet the .17-375 Ruger. That massive grizzly-swatting case has been necked down for a nice, flat-shooting .17 caliber bullet that will kill groundhogs even deader than dead. Certainly the good old .22-250 will drop a groundhog in an instant at 200 yards, but the .17-375 can kill the same groundhog 34% deader in the same amount of time. This is the result of what Ruger's ballistic scientists refer to as 'kinetic splatteriness.' The barrel life is limited to about 200 rounds, what with the throat erosion, but at $75 for a box of ammo that will be a purely theoretical limit for most of you.

4. The search for higher-density shot is not restricted to waterfowling alone. Now there is an option for upland game hunters who are looking to add a little more mass to their shotgun patterns. You've heard of 'heavier than lead?' Winchester's new 'Double-Heavy' shot is literally twice as heavy as lead. The new manufacturing technique involves attaching a short kevlar thread through each sphere of lead shot. On the other end of that string of kevlar is a second sphere of lead shot, which doubles the total mass of the shot. That makes it twice as heavy as an ordinary shot pellet of a given diameter.

5. Women represent the fastest growing demographic among American hunters and it is high time that the ammunition manufacturers recognized this. Federal will be the first, having announced their new '7-ette' cartridge at the most recent SHOT show. The 7-ette is based on the well-known 7mm-08, featuring a stylish pink dusty rose ballistic polymer tip on each bullet. Each case is coated with a special nickel alloy that ensures silky smooth travel through the action. Its strong enough for a man, but ballistically balanced for a woman.